Pain
by Noticablenotpretty
Summary: Draco and Harry are both in way too deep, but one finds a reason to continue. Can he help the other? 6th year Howarts Warnings: Male/Male, self-harm, anorexia, eating disorders, and child abuse Pairings: DM/HP, RW/HG, RL/SB, GW/DT, slight PP/BZ Trigger Warning, read with caution AU (Sirius is alive, Draco hasn't taken the DM, Dumbledore lives)
1. People Change

A/N: This Fanfiction is Rated 'M' for a reason. There is a male/male relationship, self-harm, and eating disorders in this. I can't stop you from reading it, but please do not read if this will trigger you. Stay safe.  
Warnings: Male/Male (non-graphic), Self-harm (graphic), Eating disorders (potentially graphic), OOC on main characters, ect.  
Pairings: HP/DM, RW/HG, GW/DT, RL/SB  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, my parents did not name me 'J.K. Rowling' so I do not own Harry Potter. -sigh-  
Timeline: Loosely centered around the Sectumsempra in HBP except Draco didn't curse Katie or take the Dark Mark. AU because Sirius lives.

Chapter One: Pansy and Blaise  
Draco's POV

August 31st, Malfoy Manor  
"You insolent boy!" Father screams at me, throwing a punch to my side. "Why did you not take the Dark Mark?"  
"I-I don't want it, Father." I try to tell him after the Death Eater meeting last night, Father was extremely angered that I wouldn't take the Mark. I know what's coming before he says the curse.  
"Crucio!" I can't tell how long I'm under the curse, but I wake up on the day I must return to Hogwarts to my Mother right in my face.  
"Draco, I placed you under a Concealing Charm so no one will see the bruises. Pack your things or we'll be late." The ride to Kings Cross is thankfully silent and I immediately find Blaise and Pansy on the train. They pull me in and Pansy casts Locking and Silencing Spells, as usual.  
"How bad was it?" She asks in a hushed tone, glancing briefly at my arms.  
"Not too bad." My feeble attempts to lie to them have never worked but I figure I may as well try anyways.  
"Cut the shit, Draco. How many times a week?" Blaise asks, his tone as serious as it always is. They look at each other worriedly and I look around the compartment trying to avoid the questions. The truth was, it happened almost every night since He found out about my cutting. His words ring in my head, 'I've told you since you were three years old, Malfoys do not show weakness. No son of mine will be some fucking queer, slicing his own skin up and refusing to eat. It's pathetic.'  
"Only like twice a week. And I haven't been hurting myself or throwing up anymore. Neither of you need to worry. I have a Prefect meeting now, if you don't mind." Blaise shoots me a look, but says nothing about it as I walk out the door.  
Once we're off the train, I give Blaise a lame excuse about needing to talk to Sev and ditch dinner in favor of heading to the dorms early.  
"Sectumsempra." A voice behind me says and I turn slowly to meet the face of my Godfather, Severus. "Had you been at the feast, Draco, you would have known the password. Do I even need to ask why you came to the dorms early?" I glance down at my shoes, avoiding eye contact as I follow Severus into the Common Room. He seizes my arm and pulls back the sleeve, revealing rows of parallel cuts on top of scars and sighs. "Fresh." He says, muttering other words under his breath that I vaguely recognize as anti-infection incantations.  
"You know how hard it is, Sev. I can't just stop overnight."  
"I know, but please be careful, Draco. There's a supply of Dreamless Sleep in your trunk, should you wish to sleep."  
"Thanks, Sev."

September 1st, Welcome Feast

"My Dear Students," Dumbledore addresses the long tables holding the young witches and wizards. "I would first like to welcome back Professor Lupin, your new DADA Professor as well as Sirius Black, the live-in Auror. I hope you all have a wonderful year at Hogwarts and" he paused, looking directly at Harry as he spoke, "See that people and lives change like the weather. Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light."  
"Yeah, we get it, now get on with the bloody feast!" Ron muttered under his breath, earning a smack from Hermione.  
"Now as some may say," Dumbledore continued, the twinkle in his eye gleaming at Ron, "Let's get on with the feast!" Harry chuckled to himself as Ron blushed furiously, though he couldn't help overhearing two Slytherins arguing rather loudly.  
"-know bloody well it isn't just one meal! You know he's lying!" Pansy Parkinson was yelling at Blaise Zabini.  
"Pans, shut up! He'll hear you all the way from the dungeons and besides-" Hermione interrupted Harry's focus.  
"Harry, why don't you try some of the Turkey?" Harry glared at her and scooped some vegetables onto his plate as well as a small serving of Mashed Potatoes. "Harry you know that you need to-"  
"Not here, Hermione." He hissed at her. She mouthed the word 'later' to Harry and gestured towards a concerned looking Sirius at the Head's Table. Shortly after dinner, Sirius found Hume and dragged him painfully by the wrist into his new quarters next to Gryffindor Tower, shortly followed by Remus.  
"Why didn't you eat enough at dinner, Harry? You're not slipping up, are you?" Sirius asked, his eyes searching his Godson's face.  
"Padfoot, I haven't done that in a month. I just got distracted tonight. I promise I'll eat more in the morning!"  
"I'm sorry, kiddo," he says, pulling me into a hug. "You just scared me. Self-harm, anorexia, purging... It was just scary and I'm terrified that you'll relapse.." I pull my arm towards me when Remus tries to grab the left one.  
"I have to Check..." He trails off and I give him my arms, glaring at the offending white lines and the thick one near my main vein. Remus pulls my sleeves back over my hands and pulls me into a warm embrace. "I'm so proud of you, Harry." I return the hug and tell Sirius good night as well, before grabbing my cloak and the Maureders Map off of Sirius' night stand.  
"Don't get caught!" He yells after me. Under the cloak I roam the halls until I find an empty classroom. I pull out the Map and look all around. Snape is in the Dungeons, Dumbledore is pacing in his office, and Ginny is with Dean in front of the Room of a Requirement. Their dots vanish seconds later. I almost head back to the a Tower before I see 'Draco Malfoy' in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.


	2. Private Moment

Chapter Two: Private Moment  
A/N: I'm kind of worried about this chapter because it's going to have graphic descriptions of purging/eating disordered behavior as well as description of self-harm scars/cuts and a flashback containing abuse. Please do not read this if it may trigger you. Please stay safe and get help if you're struggling with any of these issues.  
Warnings: Male/Male, self-harm, eating disorder, ect.  
Pairings: See Chapter One plus light BZ/PP  
Disclaimer: Apparently, I'm not J.K. Rowling so I don't, and likely never will, own Harry Potter, but if anyone has a vial of Polyjuice Potion and one of her hairs, I wouldn't decline...

September 1st, 2nd Floor Girl's Bathroom

No one could have predicted what Harry found that night in the bathroom. Draco Malfoy was on his knees in front of a toilet, shoving two fingers down his throat. Bile rose in his mouth but his empty stomach produced nothing. The door to the bathroom opened and Draco locked the door to his stall and pulled his sleeves tight over his hands. He waited until the footsteps disappeared out the door to come out. Eyes red and puffy from crying, he threw himself towards the sink and sobbed loudly. Gripping the edges of the sink he forced himself to look into the mirror in front of him.  
Pathetic, He thought to himself. Taking a shaking breath he looked again into the mirror and caught sight of a face. Draco angrily spun around to see none other than Harry Potter witnessing him cry.  
"Get out!" He screaming at Potter, his throat still raw from wrenching stomach acids.  
"Malfoy, are you- are you okay?" He doesn't actually care, he's just trying to keep up his hero-complex appearance.  
"Not that you care, Potter, but I'm perfectly fine. I certainly don't need help from some Scar-headed imbecile who is wandering the castle for no apparent reason." Draco looks him dead in the eyes as he says and notices that his gorgeous green eyes are shining with something he doesn't recognize.  
"Well, Malfoy, I heard you being sick earlier and your friends were concerned with you at dinner- loudly concerned. If you're ill, you should see Madam Pomphrey." Like I'd ever let Pomphrey come near me.  
"I was just about to go there, so if you'd excuse me," Draco told Harry, pushing past him and heading towards the dungeons for Syltherin Dorms.  
"Sectumsempra," Draco said to the portrait, which swung open to reveal a worried-looking Pansy and slightly angry Blaise.  
"Show me your arms, Draco." Blaise said bluntly, catching Draco's eyes and giving him a stern look.  
"You don't trust me?" Draco asked, his heart rate already rising at the thought of them seeing the still healing, thick scabs over my veins.

-Flashback-  
"Draco! Gert downhur!" Father screams from downstairs, his words slurring, a sure sign of his drunken state. I climb downstairs, softly and stand obediently in front of him as he towers over me. "Draco... Draco, Draco, Draco." I meet his eyes and immediately look down, earning myself a slap across the face. "LOOK AT ME, BOY!" I meet his eyes again resulting in a punch to my side and a kick, pulling my feet out from under me. "CRUCIO!" He bellows and the pain takes over for a few moments and then subsides.  
"What did Voldemort say?" I ask wearily, attempting to get back to my feet before he hits me again.  
"You will only refer to him as 'Lord' or 'Master.' CRUCIO!" I almost black out from the pain of a second round of the Cruciatus Curse, but he lifts it. "You will take the Dark Mark in two weeks time, Draco. Now get out of my sight."  
Later that night, I picked up an emerald-handled knife and slit open the main veins in both of my arms. The last thing I remembered before blacking out was my mother taking me to St. Mungos. The next day they took me home and Ingot the worst beating of my life.  
-End Flashback-  
"Of course we trust you, Dray. We just don't want to lose you. Please just let Blaise check, then we can put all of this to rest." I thrust my arms towards Blaise.  
"Fine, check if you want, but I'm going to bed right after this nonsense, no matter what. Deal?" Draco demands of the two.  
"Fine." Blaise concedes and grasps both of Draco's arms, rolling up the sleeves. He immediately pales at the sight of his marred arms.  
"Draco..." Pansy sighs, shocked. "Why?"  
"No. No questions. You've seen my arms, I get to go to bed now. That was the deal." Draco says and runs into the dorms and getting ready for bed. He pulls the drapes around his bed and casts a silencing spell before drifting into dreams haunted by Lucius Malfoy.

September 2nd, Gryffindor Dorms  
"Mate, get up. It's nearly breakfast and we have to go to the Great Hall to get our Time Tables." Ron says, shaking his best friend from a fitful sleep. They hurriedly dress and meet Hermione in yah Common Room. Hermione takes one look at Harry and knows something is off.  
"Where is it?" She asks simply. Harry sighs and reaches into his left pocket before pulling out a small, paper-thin blade from a Muggle Razor. "Show me." She says plainly and waits expectantly.  
"I hadn't used it yet, Herms. Honest."  
"Arms." She insists and Ron grabs his arms while Hermione pulls back the sleeves. They both immediately notice a small, shallow cut right below the crook of his elbow. Ron sighs and Hermione just gives him a sad look.  
"You know we have to tell Sirius, right mate?" Ron says, walking to the door.  
"After classes. Please. I can't miss the first day and he'll pull me out if he knows before." Harry pleads with the red-head. They head out of the portrait as Ron agrees, 'right after class.'  
"Potter, Granger, Weasley." McGonagall greets them with their 6th year schedules as they walk in. They sit down to breakfast and Harry looks over his schedule and puts scrambled eggs, toast, and sausages onto his plate and pumpkin juice into his goblet.  
"Potions first with Snape and Syltherins. How bloody awful!" Ron says as they walk out of the Great Hall after finishing breakfast. The trio heads towards Snape's classroom in the dungeons.  
"Honestly, Ron! You need Potions to become an Auror! Stop complaining or choose another profession." Hermione screeches.  
Moments after class begins, Professor Snape rushes in, robes billowing behind him.  
"Today we will be making Draught of the Living Dead. Partners are Weasley and Granger, Zabini and Parkinson, Pavarti and Brown, Potter and Malfoy," Snape continues to list off partners and then sets them to work.  
"Malfoy, could you stir while I go get the other ingredients?" Draco sneers at Potter but takes the spoon and stirs anyways. Harry returns with the ingredients moments later and begins to chop something that Draco can't see. His eyes are too focused on the blade Harry is using to cut up the ingredients. Shiny and silver but with an ornate handle. A smooth blade, not serrated, how perfect it would be to mar his perfect flesh with... The blade could just slice into his skin and-  
"Mr. Malfoy, is the a reason why you are staring like an idiot instead of focusing on your potion? No? Perhaps a detention could help with that issue. After dinner, my office. You too, Potter. Stop staring like blithering idiots and get back to work." Snape's words bring him back into reality and he looks at Potter who doesn't look nearly as amused as usual when Draco gets in trouble. His eyes are fixed on something else. Something on Draco's right side. Snape inconspicuously taps Draco's arm and he looks at his marred flesh, exposed due to a dropped sleeve. That's what Potter was staring at. He saw... Potter saw it... Potter saw my cuts... Oh. Fuck.  
A/N: Maybe that was too rushed... I promise I'll slow it down. If you want more, please review or else I won't know whether you hate it or love it. Guys, really, if you're struggling with self-harm, anorexia, bulimia, abuse, depression, suicide, ect. Please get help. Talk to someone.


	3. Detention

**A/N: I need reviews if y'all want me to keep writing this. Right now, I currently think its kind of a stupid idea to keep writing it since no one has really expressed a lot of interest in reading more. Here's one more chapter and then I'll either delete this story or keep writing.**  
Warnings/Pairings: see previous chapters.  
Disclaimer: -sigh- No one has given me Polyjuice Potion so I still don't own sexy Draco, Harry, or any other parts of Harry Potter. The plot though, that's all mine.

Chapter 3: Detention  
September 2nd, Dungeons

Harry Potter skipped dinner in the Great Hall that night and instead, took a book and waited outside of Snape's office for detention. He was met by one Draco Malfoy, also waiting outside of the door with his head between his knees on the cool floors of the dungeon.  
"Malfoy, why aren't you at dinner?" Harry asked, shocked to see the blonde boy looking so small in his overly large robes. Just as Malfoy was wracking his brain for a suitable excuse, Snape rounded the corner, robes billowing and eyes ablaze with fury.  
"I couldn't help but notice both of your absences in the Great Hall tonight so I've done the liberty of ordering you two a meal, which you will both eat," he paused to narrow his eyes at Harry, "in my presence before your detention tonight."  
Draco walked into the classroom, following an elf carrying trays of food and Harry followed but was blocked by Snape's arm thrust in front of him. "While I may despise of your existence, Mr. Potter, the Headmaster has informed me and your Head of House of your... Issues. I expect you to eat what is put in front of you tonight and you will see me at the conclusion of the detention to discuss a number of other things. Then, Mr. Black has requested your presence in his quarters. Is that understood?" Harry shifted his weight uneasily onto his left foot and winced at the pain in his ankle as he considered his options. Lying to Snape and sneaking out to purge would probably result in a very upset Sirius and not eating would mean Malfoy would likely figure out his issues as well as Snape becoming more and more suspicious.  
"Yes Sir." He eventually got out and followed Snape into the room. To his utter horror, a wide array of high-calorie food was set up on a long table. White bread rolls, Mashed potatoes, hamburgers, dishes of pasta, toast drenched in butter, salad smothered in dressing, every fried food Harry could think of, and even Treacle Tarts, dark chocolate, and every kind of candy he'd ever seen. Lettuce has almost no calories, He thought to himself as he fished in the salad bowl for the driest pieces he could find. He also scooped half of a serving of mashed potatoes onto his plate, mentally kicking himself for even thinking about allowing so many carbs into his body. Reluctantly, he leaned forward and grabbed a small piece of fried chicken, set it on his plate, and began eating the salad. Across the table, Draco had no issue loading his plate with pasta, toast, salad, and even some of the desserts, knowing that Snape would never expect him to skip out to purge.  
Severus watched the two with keen interest as Draco ate whatever he wanted without a care, but James Potter's son carefully took the lowest caloric amounts he could and methodically cut the leaves into pieces, over chewing, and sipping water in between bites. It took a solid hour for the two 6th Years to finish the meal and set to work scrubbing cauldrons for an hour. He remembered being called into Albus's office to discuss Potter's conditions and being told that he could be sent to St. Mungos. He'd never admit it, but Snape had fought avidly for Potter's right to remain at Hogwarts under the care of Sirius Black. St. Mungos would serve only to isolate the poor boy even further, but looking at him now, months later, still hesitant, Severus wasn't so sure.  
"Sir, we've finished." Draco's words invaded the Professor's thoughts.  
"Draco, return to the common room. I do believe Mr. Zabini was looking for you. Potter, head to my office, I'll be there momentarily." Draco and Harry both parted ways and Severus banished the half-empty platters of food before following Harry.  
"Sir, with all do respect, why am I here?" Harry asked upon Snape's entrance to the small side room. The walls were black but covered by shelves filled with vials of potions, books, and medium-sized picture frames containing moving photos.  
"Professor Dumbledore has asked for me to address one of your particular issues by means of Legilimency. I will, however, refrain from doing so if you would kindly tell me of the last time that you felt the need to spill your own blood." Harry sighed at the bluntness of his Professor that he had come to know and tolerate before telling him.  
"Last night. Don't worry, Hermione already took the blade and I'm going to tell Sirius and Remus right after we're done here." He finished confidently. Too confidently for Snape to believe. He knew that fakeness.  
"Got it all figured out, don't you Potter? Figured out that they won't check places like your ankles, don't even try to lie I saw that wince earlier. What happens, Potter, when you go too deep and they all think that you're 'better' because you've gotten so good... At hiding it. Tell me, what happens when your body is so covered in cuts in every single place you can think of? Ribs, shoulders, upper arms, ankles, thighs, stomach, anywhere you can think of. Hot flames licking your body and you have nowhere to turn. You won't really be better, no matter what those imbeciles you call 'guardians' think until you actually stop. Legilimens!" Severus Snape entered Harry's mind once again and found exactly what he expected before leaving. "I thought so."  
"Sir, if I may ask, how do you know?" Snape sighed, reading the boy's face. He had prayed that this day never come, but he was indeed ready to reveal it. Lifting his sleeves as he spoke, Snape told Harry about his own brush with self-harm.  
"You father and his friends- especially Black- we're extremely cruel to me, my mother had passed away when I was ten, and my father had turned to muggle alcohol and beating me to alleviate his pain. He too, died almost three years later in a drunk driving accident. I was much worse than you. I had already been cutting everywhere else when Dumbledore offered me a job here. Today, there isn't a part of my body not scarred by my previous actions. Potter, I may despise of you, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. However, I also know that you won't see it as wrong enough until you reach that point, but I am quite literally begging you. Please, just accept that you have a problem and get better before this goes too far. Please. For your mother. She didn't sacrifice her life for you to destroy yours. Just tell Sirius." Harry had never seen Snape look so desperate for something in his life. So, reluctantly, Harry lifted his shirt and socks and allowed the Professor to heal the hidden wounds and agreed to tell Sirius. Snape left him at Black's door and whispered a simple 'good luck' as he knocked.  
"Hey kiddo! Severus told us you had dinner with him and Malfoy before detention. Ron and Hermione here," Sirius paused to glance nervously at the pair on the bed, "said you had something to tell me." Harry nervously made eye contact with Hermione while ringing his fingers and pacing slightly.  
"Actually, uh guys, I have something that I need to tell all of you and I'm not sure how you'll take it, but I promise it's okay. Professor Snape is helping me to see that I really do need to stop and honestly, I'm done. Yesterday was the last time I'll ever touch a blade again. I swear. I hate the way it makes me feel, I hate the way I need it, I hate how it's taken over my body. For the past few months when you all thought I was getting better... I was cutting my ribs and ankles." Harry paused in his speech to allow them to react but cut Sirius off as he opened his mouth. "Which is why I'll need you all to do full body checks instead of just my arms. I'm done. I promise." Hermione and Ron offered encouraging smiles and Sirius smiled down at his Godson and pulled him into a hug. Yes, recovery felt good.

Draco Malfoy, however, seemed to only be getting worse. As the next few weeks wore on, Harry stopped cutting completely and ate regularly almost all the time. Draco continued to lash out on his body, hurting himself two to three times a day not only by cutting, but also burning himself, bruising, and pulling out hair. He spent meal times in the library and avoided Blaise and Pansy at all costs. Most of all, he ignored his Godfather. After a particularly rough day, Draco headed up to the Astronomy Tower to look at the stars, soon to be joined by none other than Harry potter.

**A/N: that was the longest chapter so far but if y'all don't review, it will be the last. Stay safe, lovelies.**


	4. The Tower and Deep Stuff

**A/N: Hello lovelies(: thank you all that reviewed. I seriously need those to keep writing this. Anyways, I got one review that sparked my attention that I feel like I need to clear up. Last chapter, Harry was admitting he had a problem for the second time. That's why it was easy. I suffer from an eating disorder and I'm a recovering self-harmer, so trust me, I know it's not easy to admit the first time. You'll see that a lot more with Draco. Maybe I'll write a prequel to this showing Harry's initial struggles? Anyways, I'll need at least five reviews on this chapter to write the next one, so REVIEW!**

Warnings/Pairings: See previous chapters. There is a lot of fluff in this chapter. If you are uncomfortable with homosexuality, go away, you don't want to read this. Consider that your warning. I will not hesitate to bitch at you in my story notes if you flame me for supporting gay rights.  
Disclaimer: I'm definitely not making money off of this and I still haven't managed to get a Cloak of Invisibility to grab Polyjuice from Snape's personal stores so I'm still not J.K. Rowling and don't own Harry Potter in all his sexy glory. Dang. Also, I don't own the part in here about 'the deep stuff' and favorite colors, I stole it out of Catching Fire. It was too perfect.

Chapter 4: Lined with the Marks of Misery  
December 3rd, Astronomy Tower

Draco Malfoy sat dangerously close to the edge of the Tower on a cold December night, his only companions were thoughts of his father and the fear of going home in the coming weeks for Holiday Break. He would, no doubt, be forced to go to more Death Eater meetings where he was seen and punished as a traitorous young boy. The options weighed heavily in his mind as he thought about what he could do. Telling Dumbledore would be one way to protect himself from the Dark Lord, but not his Father. He was certain that, to some extent, Uncle Severus knew about his father's 'punishments,' but he also feared the idea of spending the Holidays at Hogwarts, under Snape's concerned eyes.  
"It's a beautiful night, isn't it? The Tower is a great place to just think for a while." Harry said, sitting down across from Draco on the ledge, careful not to fall. "What are you thinking about tonight?"  
"Nothing of importance, I just needed to get away from those idiots I'm forced to call Housemates." Draco sneered at the boy, unintentionally letting some of the hurt slip into his voice that would be undetectable by anyone that hadn't been in that exact position before, as Harry had.  
"I don't think it has to do with them, but maybe it does have to do with what happened in Defense today?"

_-Flashback-_  
_"Good morning class!" Remus shouted, entering his classroom full of Sixth Year Gryffindor and Slytherin students. Most of them grumbled half-hearted 'Good Mornings' back, but most just stared, waiting for today's instructions. "Now, I know that you have faced these creatures in the years passed, but our fears have a tendency to change over time, so today, this class will be facing Boggarts. Line up, line up! I want Harry, Hermione, Ron, Pansy, Blaise, and Draco up towards the front as they proved the best at the spell last time, if I recall." Draco heard his name being called to the front, but his feet remained planted in the back of the room. "Mr. Malfoy, is there an issue?" Lupin asked, seeing Draco stiffen at the request._  
_"Uh... No, Sir. Of course not." He replied, pushing past the fear of all the things that the Boggart could turn into and trying to internalize the fear of facing it. Draco took the place in the back, directly behind Harry and watched the others face spiders, failing, scorpions, and other normal fears. When Harry walked up to the Boggart, it instantly transformed into an obese, older man stumbling around and tripping over nothing. He was obviously a drunk muggle, but Draco could not identify whom it was._  
_"Riddikulus!" Harry shouted and he transformed into a girl version of himself. Terrified, Draco shot a glance at Blaise, praying he'd understand, but he mouthed 'it'll be okay' to Draco and allowed him to step forward. The Boggart took a few seconds to transform and take the shape of Lucius Malfoy. Draco's knees became weak as the Boggart disguised as Lucius towered over his son screaming things at Draco that he couldn't hear. Draco had entirely checked out of the moment before Blaise threw himself in front of Draco and Lucius went away. Remus didn't question him as Draco Malfoy ran out of the room and into the Slytherin dorms, craving the hurt a sharp object would be sure to bring._

_-End Flashback-_

"What?" Draco asked, meeting Harry's gaze. "Do you want to make fun of me too? Stupid Draco Malfoy... Can't even handle his own father! Let's all laugh at Malfoy, he can't take his father's words. Well, go ahead, Potter. I've heard it all. Have your go at the 'Slytherin Prince.'" Hot, angry tears ran down his cheeks and he wiped them away furiously and glared at Harry.  
"I wasn't going to make fun of you, Malfoy." Harry said, still watching the broken boy as he cried angry tears. When Draco had meet his gaze, it was almost like Harry was looking at himself from a year ago. So hurt, but trying to mask the emotion so as not to concern anyone. "Have people really been saying that stuff to you?" He asked, gently, placing a hand on Draco's outstretched leg.  
"Yeah. Why aren't you, Potter? Isn't this what you dream of? You finally haven't something to you against me. Why aren't you?" Draco looked away as we spoke.  
"Look, this may be hard to explain, but I'll try. I hate you in school, when you're with your friends trying to be cool by making other people feel like less than their than best. I hate when you act like nothing ever hurts you because you're too high and mighty. Don't even try and deny it- I've been there. I hate the part of me that I see in you. But, Draco," Harry felt odd addressing him by his first name, but 'Malfoy' felt odd then. "Tonight... In Defense today, that wasn't a mask. That was you. I think that maybe... I would like to get to know that side of you, the real one. We known each other for six years but we've never REALLY known each other, you know?" Draco watched his eyes as he spoke. He noticed the way that they seemed to gleam in the moonlight and he heard Harry's words as he spoke and in that moment, Draco realized he wanted to know Harry.  
"Okay, then let's get into the deep stuff. Like... What's your favorite color?" Draco asked, smirking slightly as he finished the words.  
"Oh, well now... Now you've just crossed the line." Harry met Draco's gorgeous silver eyes as he answered. "Okay, well mine's always been silver. What's yours?"  
Draco blushed and sighed as he realized that he could never answer Harry. "You'll laugh." Thinking of the gold in Harry's Gryffindor robes, the gold of his first play wand, and the gold of the Snitch.  
"I promise I won't ever laugh at you, Malfoy." Harry said, shaking the blonde boys leg comfortingly.  
"IthoughtitwasDraconow," He rushed out in a blur.  
"What?" Harry asked, confused by what Draco had mumbled incoherently.  
Draco blushed slightly as he raised his eyes to, yet again, meet the fabulous green ones of Harry Potter.  
"I thought- I'd like it... If you called me Draco..." The teen replied slowly.  
"Alright, Draco, what's your favorite color?" Harry asked, testing out the new name and deciding it fit in his mouth better than 'Malfoy.'  
"Green." He replied, standing up and looking down at the Earth below. Someday, he thought to himself, someday soon. "Why is yours silver?" He asked Harry, who had stood up to join him.  
"You'll know eventually," Harry said, thinking of Draco's eyes, the silvery moon on sleepless nights, and the silver of his bedroom walls at his room in Sirius'- no his home. Sirius had asked Harry to think of their Cottage as home and he had agreed. The Dursley's was never a home anyways. "Why is yours green?" He asked.  
Draco smirked and replied "You'll know eventually. Do you want to meet again, Harry?" He asked, nervously, fearing the boy rejecting him.  
"Day after tomorrow, Prefect's bathroom. 1am?" Harry said and Draco nodded. They walked down the long staircase and gave each a tentative and awkward side hug. "Owl me if you need anything, Draco." Harry said and he walked in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.  
Draco watched him as he walked away and fingered his wrist, longing for a cut. Just one, to punish himself for the Boggart, he thought even though he'd used that excuse for the ten earlier. With thoughts of Harry filling his mind, he reluctantly trudged back to the Dungeons and sighed as he dug the blade into his skin again and again, eventually crawling into bed, bleeding wrist and all, succumbing to the nightmares.

**A/n: Review review review! By the way, if I update slower in the coming weeks, it's because I go back to school next week and I'm not sure how much time I'll have. You know what might encourage me? Reviews.**


	5. Authors NoteExplination

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I've been MIA, I had a bit of a relapse with self-harm that landed me in the hospital and I've been looking for a new job so I haven't exactly had time to update. Anyways, I'm planning on updating tonight or tomorrow and hoping for semi-regular updating assuming therapy goes well. Anyways, stay safe everyone and enjoy the snow if it's coming your way!


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